Adulting with Autism

How to Find Harmony: Parenting Adult Children with Autism

Hey friends! Welcome to another episode of Adulting with Autism. Happy Wednesday! I hope you had a fantastic weekend. Mine was great and eventful—I'll have to share the story sometime this week.

This episode is specially for parents and caregivers. Our guest is Russ Solomon, a parent wellness mentor who's all about helping parents find their innate peaceful nature. Russ blends his lifelong spiritual journey with decades of experience as a musical therapist, drum circle facilitator, and Reiki practitioner. He offers a transformative experience called "In-Tune Parents," aimed at unlocking joy and well-being for both parents and their kids.

We had a fantastic discussion on why Russ focuses on parents instead of kids, the importance of parental support, and practical ways to bridge the gap in transitioning young adults into independent adults. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy this insightful conversation. You might even want to take notes!

And don't forget to check out Russ's free masterclass on his website. It could be a game-changer for you. Thanks for tuning in, and always keep adulting!

Love you guys!

April Ratchford

https://raisingspecialneedskids.com/masterclass/

https://www.facebook.com/InTuneParents

PS: Don't forget to subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, iTunes, and Spotify. Like us on Facebook at Adulting with Autism Podcast and visit our website, Adulting with Autism, to check out our merchandise. 20% of proceeds go to a nonprofit sponsoring housing and transition programs for those in need.

Conquering Clutter: From Chaos to Clarity

Hey friends! Happy Saturday! 🎉 This week, we dive into one of our favorite (and most dreaded) topics: clutter! Whether you're transitioning to a new phase of life, like going off to college, or just need to clear out space, this episode is for you. 🏠

Join us as we chat with the amazing Kerry Thomas, owner of Conquer the Chaos, and a TEDx speaker on decluttering. Keri shares her unique insights on tackling all types of clutter—physical, digital, mental, and emotional. Get ready to feel motivated and learn practical tips to reclaim your space and peace of mind.

If you enjoy this episode, don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, iTunes, and Spotify. Also, like us on Facebook at Adulting with Autism Podcast, and check out our website, Adulting with Autism, where 20% of merchandise sales go to nonprofits supporting housing and transition programs. 💖

Thanks for tuning in, and happy decluttering! 😊

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Navigating Life's Twists: Stress, Goals, and Digital Detox with Annie Del Rey

Hey friends! Welcome back to another episode of Adulting with Autism, where we explore the ups and downs of adulthood through a neurodiverse perspective. I'm your host, April Ratchford, your friendly occupational therapist mom on the spectrum, here to share stories, tips, and laughs as we navigate this journey together.

Today, I had the pleasure of chatting with Annie Delre, a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Annie shares her wisdom on stress management, goal setting, and digital wellness. We dive into techniques like neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) and emotional freedom techniques (EFT), and she offers some fantastic advice on staying mindful and balanced in our busy lives.

If you're feeling overwhelmed or just need a fresh perspective on managing your time and stress, this episode is for you. Annie's insights on setting SMART goals and practicing digital detox are game-changers!

Don't forget to check out our new Adulting with Autism website for blogs, cool merch, and to join our Facebook group. Let's grow this community together! Share, like, and spread the love.

Thanks for tuning in. Until next time, keep adulting and stay awesome!

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How to Unlock the Power of Nasal Breathing: Transform Your Health with Simple Changes

Hey guys, welcome to Adulting with Autism, the podcast where we dive into the roller coaster of adulthood through a neurodiverse lens. I'm April Ratchford, your friendly occupational therapist mom, proudly on the spectrum and raising an amazing young adult son with autism. Join us as we share stories, tips, and laughs, offering a supportive space for anyone navigating life's twists and turns. Grab your drink of choice, no judgment, and let's embark on this journey together. This is Adulting with Autism.

Hey, happy Saturday, and welcome back to the podcast. I got a question for you. Yeah, I know I'm asking you a question on a Saturday, so deal with it. How are you guys breathing? Are you breathing through your mouth? Are you breathing through your nose? I'll wait. If the answer is you're breathing through your mouth, you might need to listen to this episode. And why? Because breathing through your mouth can have an effect on your mental health, your metabolic function, your posture, and your mood and your anxiety. And no, we're not talking about meditation today. So zip it. We're talking about something that can help you overall in changing the way you sleep and function. You're supposed to be breathing through your nose. and I'll tell you why.

Breathing through your nose is a common thing, not breathing through your mouth. You're losing valuable oxygen when you breathe through your mouth. Also, you're not getting enough oxygen to your brain when you breathe through your mouth. Number two, you're probably walking around sleep deprived and you're ruining your teeth when you breathe through your mouth, not breathe through your mouth, but breathe through your mouth. And you're probably pretty angry, like my son Z. My next guest, Anastasis Tzanis, is a nutrition therapist and a globally sought-after breathwork expert. He's helped countless individuals improve their mental, postural, and metabolic function through private consultations. So just changing your breath can change all those things.

Things even olympic athletes breathe through their nose when they compete and they've been training all their lives to do this it's not something you can do overnight and you this is something you have to start with little by little and train your retrain your body it's not something then you can just slap some tape over your mouth, and go on about your day. It doesn't work that way. If it did, you wouldn't be doing it now, now would you? So sit back, actually listen to this because this might actually change your mood and you might learn a little something. You might actually be a little happier because he hasn't learned anything yet because I'm his mom. He don't listen. So listen to Mama April. since you're probably not listening to your parental unit and learn some things from our guest Anastasis.

Hi, you can hear me now, right? I can see you now. All right. Sorry, it took me a little bit of time to unmute myself. But anyway, how are you? Good morning. I'm doing well. Thank you for coming on to my podcast. Thanks for inviting me. So can you tell everyone what you do and how you got into it? Sure. So what I do is I'm offering nutritional and breathing consultations. And they are primarily targeted for people that have chronic conditions. Some of them will be genetic with a genetic makeup, up or some would be like as a result of lifestyle challenges.

So how can breathing affect chronic conditions? So breathing, as I'm sure everybody hearing us knows, is a key component of life. We come to this life taking our first breath and the time we stop breathing, it's probably when life is over. And in the process of going about life, this is a function of the body that will happen automatically. It is very important for how we go about life as it is a key contributing factor to how much energy we have. So we breathe because it is helping us produce more energy. Humans rely on the air, on oxygen in order to breathe. But we can breathe efficiently or less efficiently. And depending on how we breathe, it will have a knock-on effect on our metabolism, our nervous system, even our posture.

How can breathing affect your posture? I never thought of that. So imagine you being in a sad place, me feeling grieving someone or feeling unhappy. What would your posture be like at the time? You probably will have rounded shoulders. You will be a little bit compromised. It will not be the same with when you are happy, when you're going about life, you know, in a more positive outlook. At the same time, how would your breathing be? You probably will be breathing more shallow when you're sad. Maybe it will not be there will be no rhythm in the way you breathe and maybe there will be like also like some abrupt changes in your breath so maybe there will be a big inhalation and then there will be a pause or no pause and in general they will like i said if we were to put it in a nutshell there would be no rhythm but this will also reflect reflect your posture and if you were to change your breathing at a time you would probably be forced to change the way you carry yourself. So another way you can think about it is if you think someone with a very strong kyphosis, someone like Quasimodo, rounded back, would you be thinking of this individual woman or a man be breathing well effortlessly? Or you would expect that he struggles with breath. He would probably run out of breath after running for a few meters.

Oh, I have a question. So when people start to exercise and everybody is like, you can't breathe through your nose when you're exercising. Are you supposed to breathe through your nose or are you supposed to breathe through your mouth or is it a combination of both? The way we would breathe, again, will be to a big extent automatic. And it will be automatic, but at the same time, it will vary from one individual to the other. So the best way for the listeners to perceive that is to think of two extremes, two individuals. One being an Olympic athlete, someone that has trained all his life. Let's for simplicity say that he has been a runner. And on the other side, next to him, we have someone unfit, someone that never exercised. Maybe he's a bit overweight. And we set them both to run for the same distance, let's say 1,000 meters, one kilometer. How would you expect each of them to run? I would probably assume that the athlete may be running quite fast, but still breathing from the nose effortlessly and maintaining a good posture, bringing it back to his posture. The second individual would probably be using a lot more his mouth. Now with these two extremes in in mind we know that there is not one way to breathe, and that there might be a more ideal way or a less ideal way but in order to end up breathing in a more ideal way it will not happen just because someone told us to do so but it will be the result of training so if we want to be more like the first man the one that is running effortlessly, he is only able to do that because of all the hours of training that he has done. A lot of the times, people don't perceive running or swimming as breathing training, but it is very much so. So a cardiovascular exercise is a way of breath training.

So just breathing in itself, we have to retrain ourselves just effortlessly to be able to breathe. Is this oversleeping as well? Exactly. You're touching on a very important point here, April. And that's because we are breathing not only during the day and during the night. And obviously during the day, we can be a lot more conscious of our breath. We cannot be all the time conscious as much as we may like. And as much as some people claim that we should, we cannot. I'm not paying attention to my breath now. I'm focusing on speaking with you. But in the night definitely we can you know we have way less awareness or no awareness at all of how we breathe but we still breathe and the way we breathe affects a lot our breath so our brain function and our body's function and in general the oxygenation of all of our organs so then again we cannot do things to encourage nasal breathing during sleep again something that some people will have to work towards, while others will find very easy.

What kind of things can people do that are simple to kind of correct this? Because I know for my son, I noticed at nighttime he snores really badly. But he's always complaining that he's tired, even though he can sleep 10 to 12 hours. Very good point. And he talks on so many things at the moment, and I will try to touch on a couple of them. And one being that it's not the more we sleep, the more rested we will be. Similar with not the more we eat, the more energy we're going to have, right? So as far as the things that we can do to improve our quality of sleep and better breathing through the quality of sleep. The main thing is, as I kind of hinted from a previous answer, is that we need to encourage nasal breathing only. And in order to encourage nasal breathing, we have to make sure we don't mouth breathe. The only way to ensure that is by taping our mouth. So this may come as a surprise to some of people in the audience, but there are tapes that are very safe and they are specific for mouth taping. But any 3M microporous tape, medical tape, 2.5 millimeters will be big enough to help us seal our mouth and as a result breathe through our nose.

At the risk, I don't want to oversimplify the whole thing, though, and say that everybody will find that easy or possible. A lot of people, because of their poor respiratory function, will find that suffocating. And again, in these cases, they will be not able to tolerate keeping their mouth shut for long periods of time. But it's only a matter of regular practice until they get used to that. The benefits that one will experience if he or she is to do that are many. But if I was to highlight some of the most obvious ones would be, like you said, snoring. It does not mean that snoring will be eliminated if someone tapes their mouth, but in some cases it does. And overall, the snoring reduces both in volume, because we cannot snore as loud from the nose as we can from the mouth. It will be like feeling more rested next morning. A lot of people experience the following. They wake up much sooner. And in the beginning, they feel confused because they are stuck in the paradigm of, I need to sleep more to get rested. But then they wake up and think, I woke up. Does that not make sense? I was hoping I would sleep more. No, no, no. You now got enough rest, the rest that you need. That's why your body wakes you up. And of course, less dehydration because obviously we lose water by keeping our mouth open, better mouth hygiene, less cavities in the mouth, better immune system, less likely to have blues and stuff as the nose functions as part of the immune system and a defense towards bacteria and viruses that are are in the air. There are more, but just these are some of the very evident ones.

So if someone wanted to try to tape their mouth, would it be better to try it while they're awake and just kind of do it in little increments? Absolutely, yeah. Some people will not find any problem with taping their mouth first night and sleeping through the whole night with the tape on. But not everybody is on the same starting place. And for sure, nothing prevents people from taping their mouth for 20 minutes at a time while they are awake, while they go about doing stuff at home, cooking, reading book. And once they get accustomed to that and they realize that they are still alive after 20 minutes of no mouth breathing, then they can start trying at night.

So once people start nasal breathing, how does that change the body and change their sanity? Very, very, very interesting question. Again, with each of these questions, we can go off and speak for hours. In a nutshell, in order for any organ, any system to function in our body, and I will try to keep it very basic in terms of the science, but I think even for all of our listeners, I think it would be good to bring it down to a little bit of the organs and systems level. It needs energy to function. Your liver needs energy to function. your brain. Actually, liver and brain are very energy expensive organs in the body. The heart, even the muscles, of course, which everybody would think of them in terms of exercise. But in order to produce energy, the organs need two things, oxygen and glucose or fatty acids. So these are the raw material. If one of the two is missing, then there will be less energy produced. used. So in order for us to encourage the good supply of oxygen into our organs, we need to ensure, okay, we take air in, which we do anyway, as we said, it's an automatic process, but the delivery is efficient. Now, in order for the delivery of the oxygen to be efficient into the organs, we need to have a good circulatory system. And if we have good circulation, of course, the supply will be more efficient. But we also need to control our blood gases. Now, we have three gases, one being oxygen. Everybody knows of that. The other one being carbon dioxide and the third one being nitric oxide. I will keep the analysis now at the basic level, but we can go a step further if you wish. Nitric oxide and carbon dioxide allow the oxygen to enter into to our cells to be used. So while everybody has plenty of oxygen into their blood, it does not mean that they have plenty of oxygen into their organs. And the more we breathe from the nose, we keep healthy levels of carbon dioxide and nitric oxide. And as a result, we are able to support our organs with oxygen. Let's say we have some people that like exercising. The more they manage to breathe from the nose during exercise, the more they will keep nitric oxide and carbon dioxide levels healthy, the more their muscles will have energy. Let's say someone is doing some mental cognitive activities. They are going through an exam. They are trying to think through a problem for work. If they want to be more efficient in terms of solving this problem, they need to supply their brain with oxygen. Again, they need to keep their mouth closed and maintain nasal breathing.

So could this be the reason why a lot of people tend to overeat? They're not efficiently breathing. Get energy and so they're just overeating to compensate for the energy they actually need. Yeah. So this is a theory that has been put forward by a few people and there might be some validity in that. The interlink between breathing and eating is on many levels. On a very biochemical level, the diaphragm, which is one of the primary breathing organs, sits just above the digestive tract. So, you know, it attaches to the liver. It sits just above the small intestines. So the movement of the diaphragm facilitates better digestion. Also, we have another link is how the breathing affects the nervous system. Them who listening to to to us now does not know that when they are stressed their eating will not be disrupted some people will end up eating more some people will shut down their appetite but definitely stress will affect everybody's eating habits so if they are calmer if they are breathing more efficiently and as a result they are calmer they are more likely to make better eating choices whether we will be confusing and we are not efficient in terms of any we will be confusing the lack of energy because of lack of glucose with the lack of oxygen because of poor breathing that's like as i said something that you mentioned is a theory that is put forward by some people i think it is not confirmed by science and not something that i have seen necessarily in practice but this does not mean that necessarily it's not true so it might be as well.

How can lack of breathing correctly affect our movement? So again, I like a lot of times to use parallelism, so I hope some of the listeners relate to that. And I would bring back this example that we said of the two individuals, the athlete and the unfit one. The way that one carries himself is going to be different from the other, and the way one breathes will be different from the other. If someone is staying in a calm state, his posture will be better. He will be able to pay attention to how he carries himself. The more unfit person will probably be panting more, breathing more heavily, also having a more stressed nervous system and as a result not be able to compose himself and carry himself efficiently enough. Actually, there were studies that they found that people that nasal breathe or people with good respiratory function, even if someone does not breathe nasally, if they have good respiratory capacity, they have better economy, running economy. Running economy is a term in science that is used in terms of how efficient one's movement is. It can be running economy is used also for swimmers. Of course, it's used for runners as well. So the better the breather is, the better his running economy. As a consequence of that, another study found that those that breathe efficiently, have good respiratory capacity, will also be less likely to be injured. Probably because of what we just said. If someone is carrying himself more efficiently, is paying attention to his posture, he's less likely to trip over or to do something that is not favorable. And as a result, injure himself.

That is amazing what your breathing can do if you're breathing properly. For sure. So say you're a young adult and you have figured out your breathing has been terrible. Just by correcting your nasal breathing, could you reverse all the damage you've done to your body? So as i'm sure you know there are many reasons why someone's someone someone may have symptoms, in in in in in his life so a lot of the times we spoke earlier about sleep we may you mentioned about someone that wants to improve his cognitive functions these are not going to be affected just from breathing so sleep for example when i'm consulting people i may end up having to look into their nutrition. So to say that because of them improving breathing, that everything will be sorted out would probably be an exaggeration. But without a doubt, if breathing is really compromised, there will be an improvement in the symptoms and the individual will be a step closer to living a healthier life. The question in that case that a lot of the listeners may have is, so how do I become a better breather? And as you already hinted, nasal breathing more is a very good starting point. And I would definitely agree with that. One thing that is often perceived when people start hearing about the importance of nasal breathing is that they think that now that they know how good nasal breathing is, all All they have to do is just close their mouth. I want to highlight here that this is not that simple. You know, if that was the case, everybody that would have read a book on nasal breathing and its importance would be a nasal breather by now. But that's far from the case. It is in order for someone to be more of a nasal breather, and it's not a black or white, it's not that because you are aware of its importance or because you try

 

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Unlocking Brain Power with Dr. Rebecca Jackson

Hey friends, welcome back to Adulting with Autism! I'm April Ratchford, your friendly occupational therapist mom on the spectrum, sharing this amazing journey with my son. Grab your drink of choice, no judgment here, and let's dive into today's episode!

Have you ever wondered if you can retrain your brain? Spoiler alert: Yes, you can! It's called neuroplasticity, and today's guest, Dr. Rebecca Jackson, is here to tell us all about it. Dr. Jackson, an industry leader in brain health, joins us to share her insights on how to enhance brain function for a happier, more productive life.

We talk about everything from the power of sensory input to the importance of physical movement. Plus, Dr. Jackson offers practical tips and exercises to help strengthen your brain at any age. Whether you're on the spectrum or not, there's something valuable here for everyone.

Don't miss this enlightening conversation! And if you want more, check out Dr. Jackson's book, "Back on Track," filled with tips to help kids and adults thrive. Find all the details in the show notes. Until next time, keep being your incredible self and keep adulting!

Oh, and if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend, leave a review, and hit that subscribe button. Let's grow this community together! You can also join our Facebook community at Adulting with Autism Podcast for more support and resources.

Thanks for tuning in, and stay awesome! This is April Ratchford, signing off from Adulting with Autism.

https://drrebeccajackson.com/

Back On Track-Dr. Rebecca Jackson

https://www.facebook.com/brainbalancecenters

https://www.linkedin.com/in/rebecca-jackson-148461b/

How to Navigate Midlife Changes: Embracing Self-Care and New Beginnings

Hey friends! 🌟 Happy Saturday and welcome back to Adulting with Autism! I just got back from a much-needed vacation and boy, did I miss you all (but not the humidity!). Big shoutout to Linda for taking care of our kitties and veggie garden while we were away. You rock, Linda! 🎉

Today's episode is all about embracing change, especially for us women hitting our mid-40s. Life might not be exactly where we envisioned it, and that's totally okay. Sometimes, it's time for a shake-up! Joining me is Elizabeth Cush, a licensed clinical professional counselor and women's life coach. She's here to share her wisdom on how we can navigate these transitions, set boundaries, and find our inner joy again. 🌈

Elizabeth dives into practical self-care tips, the importance of setting boundaries, and how to take small steps towards big life changes. Whether you're feeling burned out or just ready for something new, this episode is packed with insights to help you on your journey. 🚀

Grab your favorite drink, get comfy, and let's dive into this transformative conversation. And remember, it's never too late to start living the life you truly want. 💖

Stay awesome, keep shining, and see you next week! 🌟

Love,

April Ratchford

Awaken Your Wise Woman Podcast

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From Piano Prodigy to Career Coach: Unlocking Your True Potential

Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Adulting with Autism, the podcast where we dive into the rollercoaster of adulthood through a neurodiverse lens. I'm April Ratchford, your friendly occupational therapist mom, proudly on the spectrum and raising an amazing young adult son with autism. Join us as we share stories, tips, and laughs, offering a supportive space for anyone navigating life's twists and turns. Grab your drink of choice, no judgment, and let's embark on this journey together. This is Adulting with Autism.

This week, I had the pleasure of chatting with Anthony Kuo, a career satisfaction coach who transformed his life from a Juilliard-trained pianist parents to helping others find their true calling. Anthony shared some incredible insights on how parents can decode their kids' love for video games into valuable skills and career paths. Trust me, you don't want to miss this one!

As we wrap up another awesome episode of Adulting with Autism, just remember we're all in this together. Keep being your amazing self, celebrating wins big and small, and facing whatever life throws your way with a smile. Thanks for tuning in. And until next time, stay awesome and keep shining bright. Oh, and if you want to help our podcast grow, don't forget to share it with your friends, leave us a review, and hit that subscribe button. This is April Ratchford signing off from Adulting with Autism.

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How to Unlock Inner Peace: A Journey with Metta

Hey guys, welcome to Adulting with Autism, the podcast where we dive into the rollercoaster of adulthood through a neurodiverse lens. I'm April Ratchford, your friendly occupational therapist mom, proudly on the spectrum and raising an amazing young adult son with autism. Join us as we share stories, tips, and laughs, offering a supportive space for anyone navigating life's twists and turns. Grab your drink of choice, no judgment, and let's embark on this journey together. This is Adulting with Autism.

Hey guys, hey, happy Saturday. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm late and you're judging. Normally I get these things in the morning. It has been a busy week. I'm planning on going on vacation. Don't worry, my episode's up and running while I'm on vacation, so you will be hearing my lovely voice on vacation. However, in order to go on vacation, I had to scramble and get a lot of my paperwork in before going on vacation, which meant I didn't get a lot of recording done prior to this. So that's why I'm recording a little later and getting it up, brain fart, a little later than normal. However, I hope you guys had a great end of the week and that you guys are staying cooler due to the heat wave. It's still a mesmerizing 90 degrees, even though it's 8.30 here in Kentucky. I'm still melting.

However, I would like to introduce you to Metta Rebirk. She is an aspiring author and coach who has dedicated over two decades to helping experienced leaders realize their true potential and free themselves from anxiety. Her new book, The Twin Point Life Force, comes from questioning your thoughts and reveals how we can set ourselves free by questioning what we believe to be true. She has come to see that for all, the human life force emerges and inner peace reveals itself by questioning our thoughts about reality, which is true about anxiety.

So many of us sit there and have thoughts about ourselves that aren't true and run around and take up space in our heads without really questioning that thought. And she coaches into really breaking down that thought and wondering, is that thought really true, or is it something that we believe just because it's a lingering thought we have? So she talks about how to experience peace and joy in the present, no matter what your external circumstances look like. How to create a new life experience if the one you're in now isn't kind. How to break free from a negative thought loop when you inevitably get caught in one. I like both anxiety, self-doubt, self-sabotage, self-destructive habits, and how to feel free, how to feel inner peace regardless of not knowing and uncertainty. And that's the thing about anxiety. We're so busy worrying about the future and not focusing on the now that it gets us all ramped up.

And all we can do is take advice from Metta and really think about reading her book. Even you parents and caregivers, sometimes we get so caught up in worrying about our kids' futures and our futures and how it's going to relate to our kids that our anxiety ramps up, which ramps their anxiety up. So, sit down, take a moment, have your drink of choice, and of course, always no judgment, and welcome our guest. Hello. Good morning. How are you? Fine, thank you. And you? I'm doing well. Lovely, lovely. And I'm so sorry for the inconvenience for our last scheduled meeting. That's quite all right. Where are you in the world? I'm in Denmark, in Copenhagen. And you, my dear, where are you except apart from being in a car? Listen, sometimes the car is my best office. I am in Kentucky in the United States. Wow. I know Kentucky Fried Chicken. That's the only thing we're known for except for the derby. I'm so sorry, but now maybe you will enlighten me a little bit more about your lovely area. Now I want to go to Denmark. I'm like, I'm ready to travel.

Oh, it's a beautiful little country. You know, there are not many people living in Denmark. We are only 5 million. That's still a good portion. I was like, only 5 million? Yeah, one big family, you know. I know, just joking. But yeah, you're welcome and if you come, I will love to cook for you. You can even stay over here. I have a spare place. It's a deal. You just let me know a little in advance and I will make everything ready. So tell me, how is it that you got into letting people know that you can just revamp your life in later stages? Yeah. I don't know actually where to start, except from that I work with a lot of very successful people, actually. Apparently, they have achieved almost everything. But still, they were not very happy. And they were very insecure about what they had achieved. If, for instance, their father, they were proud of them or they had a lot of thinking going on that didn't really make them very happy. And then also myself, my own thinking about life and my kids and the world and everything. And then I started to be a little curious about what is a thought and what is a feeling and what comes first, emotion or the thoughts. And then I dived into that five, six years ago.

And actually, while biking in Copenhagen, I got a little epiphany that when I believed my thoughts, I had stomach problems. I had a lot of different kinds of problems. But when I didn't believe them, I was actually okay. And then I started to gather a lot of details and information and knowledge about the brain and the heart and what does it mean to be a human? And then I decided to write a book about it. And this is this book here that I'm going to show you. It's actually also on Amazon. And for the last five, six years, my life has changed into something much more friendly. I work with very skilled people who want to change their career. I work with leaders who want to become better leaders for people. And I have also become a much better mom. I'm not always, you know, busy telling the whole world how they should behave. I let them behave like they want to. And then I focus on how me, myself, I behave. I know there are a lot of parents out there that have adult kids that are on the spectrum or neurodiverse. Yeah. And they have all their lives connected themselves to their kids and have no idea. They've kind of lost themselves and have no idea how to separate their issues from their kids. And now that their kids are adults, they need to kind of separate themselves in order to really live their lives. And I think you have some of the answers.

I don't know if I have some answers, but I have come to see that when we meet another person, we don't really meet the other person. We meet our story about the other person. That means that actually we meet ourselves. And then we start judging. And then when the behavior of the other doesn't really match what we had imagined it should be, then we become either very upset and we find it very, maybe not respectful. And it's just because in an innocent moment, we believed something that was not correct. And of course, you know all parents they want their kids to have a happy life and when we see that our kids they may not be like we thought them to be or we wanted them to be we may even think that they that the life they have was not as good as it could be but what do we know. So when we get to know that, when we can kind of silent our own mind and listen to the other person, regardless of it's, you know, a child with certain challenges or whatever, we can start to become more curious about, who are you? You don't need to be like me to have a good life. and maybe even I can learn something from you. I have a good friend and she has a son who is now 16 and maybe he has a mind like eight years old. And we had a very lovely talk a couple of days ago, Annamita and I, and suddenly she discovered that the reason why she had been so miserable and so sad about her son, was because she thought that he could not have a good life. But that was only because she met him from her perspective, not from his perspective. And I think that when we become aware of ourselves, we are very busy with all the others. So we tend to forget that we need to pay attention to ourselves and to get to learn ourselves and especially become aware of our thinking about the world because the world is not how we believe it to be because the world is actually much nicer than the stories we tell ourselves about the world. But we don't know that. And also, there's also another thing here is that when we believe our thoughts to be who we are, it can be very difficult to let go of the thoughts. Because, you know, a lot of parents with challenging kids, they also become kind of victims of, you know, life, what has now, you know, emerged. So without this victim kind of head, who am I? If I'm not a victim, who am I? But we are not, we have a kid with special needs, but it's not who we are. We just try to do our best to take care of our kids. The problem arises when we believe it to be who we are. I don't know if it's a little weird what I'm saying. And then maybe you will ask me, but when do we know that we are, you know, pulling our own leg with the stories, making up stories? And that is when we can feel it, when we become stressed and get stomach problems. Some have problems with the shoulders, you know, different spots in the body that doesn't feel nice. Then we know that we are building up a story that we in a moment believe to be true. Our thoughts create our feelings, and it's the feelings that we react upon. We are not at all rational beings. And the brain actually doesn't know anything. The brain guesses. A couple of days ago, I was watching out of the window and I saw a guy like with a yellow shirt on and stuff. And then I thought, okay, wonderful. Now the municipality is going to work on the streets because it's so bumpy. And I was so happy and I started to think, okay, in two months time, it will be so nice. And then I just turned my head. And then I saw that this guy with a long line behind him was out walking his dog. So our brain, you know, picks up small bits here and there and then put it together. And the brain doesn't mind if it's not 100% reality, the story that is, you know, putting together. Something that is approximately correct is okay but not really because then a lot of misunderstandings arise so so when we become more aware of what's going on inside of ourselves and don't think that it's something that someone has you know imposed on me then we can start to meet whatever lands on our plate with much more peace and much more strength.

Do you think by accident a lot of therapists and doctors accidentally feed into the stories that we tell ourselves about our kids and it makes us seem like we're victims that we have kids with special needs until we believe these stories in our heads. And how can we break this kind of victim mentality of these stories in our brains? I think that we can take responsibility for ourselves. I no one can hurt me except me and the story that I'm telling myself if if I, for instance sorry sorry not good. I'm 60 years old, and when I was almost 23 years old, my twin brother died in an accident, actually in the United States. And we were very close. I discovered that I really never said I and me. I always said we and us. And suddenly I had to learn how to say I and me. And in the beginning i didn't thought that i could ever be happy again but then after years and and also some introspection i started to see that everything was okay and even though that my brother, he only lived almost 23 years, he got a full life. And the gift he brought to my life for the time we had together has also been part of who I am today. So when we look at what happens from another perspective. Everything is actually okay. And it doesn't mean that we don't become sad and, you know, totally, you know, I really hope that everything will be okay. But we can meet whatever comes with more grace and with more trust that everything is going to, is okay. Okay. Actually, I have discovered also that we never really exist in the moment. Like, either we are somewhere yesterday, years ago, thinking about what happened and why it shouldn't, or we are in the future. But the only thing that exists is actually this small moment you and I, we have now, which the next small moment is created upon. And in this small moment, you and I together, are you okay? Yes. Me too. Okay. So when we become more aware of what we have, it's so difficult to be scared. And, you know, it's not just me. we all have the same kind of, we are created the same way. So this is not just something that counts for me, counts for you, counts for your kids and all the listeners and the listeners' kids and their family and the whole shebang, you know. So, and when we look, when we become aware of this, you know, we can meet our kids with curiosity because we don't want anything actually to change because it is what it is. And. And it is even better than we could, you know, because we never really very seldom think about something that will be. We always think about something that will be even, you know, worse. And if we are so busy not being present, we don't see actually the small steps that our son is taking in his manner. Because we are somewhere else. And therefore we also, you know, scare ourselves because there's so many things that we kind of don't get, don't see. And it's innocent because it's very difficult to see what you don't see until you see it. And we also complicate life, really complicate life by not being aware of what's going on in our own head. And we believe also that all the others, they are so busy thinking about judging us, but actually, a small secret, nobody cares. They are so busy with their thoughts and their stories. So when we start to focus a little bit more on our own thinking and not so much on what we believe others are thinking about us. We can breathe. We can smile. Life becomes kinder, more peaceful, and we become nicer. Does this make sense? It makes perfect sense. How can we stay in these small movements? Yeah, I would love to be there all the time. Yes. But I'm not, so it comes and goes. But I know that when I forget to be aware and to be present, I know how to come back. You know, when you lay in bed in the morning, you're not asleep, but you're not awake. It's just in between. There's nothing. thing. You're just there in your bed. Those small moments, they are, you know, behind. It's a little like, you know, the sky without all the clouds. It can be very cloudy, but above the clouds, always blue sky. And it's like you and me, behind all the thoughts, you know, there's always peace. So when we become aware of this, we can let go of the thoughts. You know, we have around 60,000, 70,000 thoughts a day. They come and go. We cannot control that. But what we can control is that we don't need to be attached to those thoughts. Let them go, regardless of how weird they are. Wow. Okay. But the problem arises when we try to keep on to the thoughts, and especially those thoughts that really create a mess inside us.

So how can we break negative thought loops? We can stop being attached to them. But it can be very difficult if we think that we are our thoughts. And we think that we are a victim because even though that he doesn't feel well, it can be even more difficult to get, you know, if we are used to having a stone in the shoe and we think that having a stone in the shoe kind of defines who we are. We are the one who is fighting against the world for my kids. I'm alone. So then we will not easily take out the stone and throw it away. Because without all that, who am I? Who am I? But you are the one experiencing all this that lands on your plate. You know, the kid you were when you were five years old and the full-blown woman you are today, there's nothing left. The cells have been, you know, changed so many times and everything has changed so many times. But what is still, you know, the same is the awareness of, you know, It's like being in a theater and seeing a lot of different plays passing. You are the one observing. And then again, become aware, self-aware. But this doesn't feel well. What did I think just before I had this feeling? Oh, what if I die and my child is going to be left alone? Who's going to take care? yeah, okay, if I die before my child, can I be 100% sure that no one is going to care? Ah, 100%? Ah, maybe not. Without this thought in this situation, how am I? I'm actually okay. We have a very strong network, and actually my kid, who is now 22 years old, is having a funny time where he's living and he has friends and maybe even a girlfriend. What is the problem? The problem is my thinking about reality, not reality.

What can people do when they decide they want to completely change their lives? Like, what's the first step? Like, they know their kids are going to do what they're going to do. And they've decided to let go. But they no longer want to be the person they are. They're like, okay, this is not the life I want. I want to be somebody different. What do they do first? They're like, I don't know, what do I do first? Do I go back to school to be who I want? Should I do personal development first? Do I learn to meditate? Do I take care of my health? Where would you start? Maybe I would go for a long walk. Be silent. Be together with myself somewhere. Somewhere not doing anything looking out of the window try to adjust to be me to be in me together with me i presume also that a lot of your listeners they they are very busy people because they have been busy taking care of the family and i don't know what and they don't know themselves. So maybe be silent and be curious about what is hiding in there. Of course, you can go to school and you can go to yoga and you can whatever. But that's nice. If you like it, then do it. Everything that you like and that makes you smile, go ahead, my dear. but really to get to know you be silent it doesn't cost anything be silent. Curious, curiosity. And then every time you kind of want to hold on to something, a thought about, this is me, you know who I am, boom, boom. Then be, you know, courageous to

Book-“The Tipping Point: Life Force Comes From Questioning Your Thoughts" 

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